February 19, 1997
ANTI-FANTASY and WHERE ARE THE MEN?
Question 1 of 2
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Dear Dr. Lovelady,
My love life with my newfound love is
something incredible. It's like everything I
dreamed of.
But I told her she wasn't my fantasy and she freaked! When
I say she isn't my fantasy I just mean that she isn't
a light skinned pretty-eyed women with long pretty
hair. But she is a wonderful angel with a great personality
and charm. She is all that I have ever wanted in a woman.
But she still feels that she has to compete with past relationships.
She's afraid she's not my type or that I think that she is not good enough.
But I really do love her and I am so scared that one day, because of
my ability to word things in the wrong manner, I may lose the one thing that
keeps me going every day. What can I do to make her feel secure?
Signed,
Foot in Mouth
. . . . . . . . . .
Dear Foot:
Here is the problem: as they might say in the mechanical engineering
business, you and your lovely Miss are operating in functional opposition
to each other. While you are celebrating a newfound maturity where you can
appreciate the reality of a flesh-and-blood woman who differs from your
deepest fantasies, your beloved is upset
to find that she is not the
real-life embodiment of your most romantic and raunchy fantasy life.
And who wouldn't be? Have you ever performed on stage? (theatre, not sex,
silly). What has more impact, the 99% of the audience who stays seated
throughout your performance, or the one guy who walks out early? Even
though you have proved yourself the most wonderful boyfriend in the world,
that THING you said now sticks in your lady's craw like a piece of
broccoli between her teeth after a dinner of pasta primavera. Nobody
wants to feel that they are someone else's compromise.
On The Other Hand -- if your girlfriend is so insecure that you have
to bend over backwards and turn cartwheels and be scared for the rest of
your life that you will say something "wrong" again, well, as my
late-great Auntie Alice would have said, "Who needs it?" If you love this
woman and are willing to show it, as it seems you are, the ball's in her
court to love you back. You're her guy, not her shrink, and
nothing you do or say can compensate for her insecure personality.
Personally, I think you're doing fine and you should stop banging
yourself over the head about this.
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NEXT
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