February 19, 1997 Question 2 of 2 . . . . . . . . . . Dear Dr. Lovelady, I am an attractive lady who always seems to attract the wrong men. I am 32 years old, smart, down-to-earth and a very understanding woman. I have lots of male friends and they say I subconsciously do not want to find a mate, because I am a great catch and they just assume some guy must want to snatch me up. However, I just don't know where to meet any men, let alone a nice man. I work all day, sometimes late hours, and I hate to meet men in bars and clubs. I know there is some wonderful guy out there just waiting to meet me, but he sure isn't just going to knock on my door and say "hey baby, here I am!". What is a girl to do? Of course, one does not need a man to feel complete, but let's be real: I got needs. Any suggestions? Signed, Where Are They? . . . . . . . . . . Dear Where Are They: Where are they? Here is the answer: look around you. They are everywhere. They are riding on morning buses to mindless, stultifying jobs, reading about the future of the Dow in the financial pages; they are standing in front of tailors at the dry cleaners, having their pants pinned, their tiny ingrown leg hairs peeking out hopefully from below their cuffs; they are squeezing prematurely ripe Casava melons in the produce sections of inner-city supermarkets; they are at home in cramped, overheated studio apartments, sitting twisted up like praying mantises in plaid stain-resistant Herculon upholstered chairs, eating take-out General Tso's Chicken and laughing inanely at characters behaving in hideous imitation of themselves on Seinfeld; they are lying prone in their beds like so many prostrate martyred saints, frantically masturbating to Uma Thurman phantasms which, in their lonely and tormented minds, undulate lasciviously only for them. In short: they are pretty much doing the male version of exactly what you're doing. Now, the question, of course is: how can you get one of your very own? But first we are compelled to ask another question: why do your thousands of billions of male friends say you're such a catch but none of THEM are doing the catching? Are they all taken? And, if so, why don't they have friends for you? Co-workers? Cousins? Are you telling everyone who might not totally humiliate you that you want to get fixed up? Well, you must. Stop thinking of men to date as strangers out there somewhere who you have to go through all sorts of strange machinations to meet. The men you want to meet are right in front of you and they want to meet you, too. So open your mouth, girl, smile, and say, "Hi." . . . . . . . . . . BACK