For instance,

Perry Stolmeyer

(1809-1887),

still trembling

with rapture

from the conference,

ran home and designed

a Brass Digestive System.


This odd assemblage

of tubes and tanks

was able to mimic

the action of the

human digestive system

using only common brass

plumbing fixtures

and a few inexpensive chemicals

available at any pharmacy.


Unfortunately the contraption

could never serve

as a replacement

for an actual

functioning digestive system,

for it took up

three stories of a

large warehouse in

Portland, Maine.
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                               V

                                           
                                                
                                       Yes, alas,
                                    
                                       Stolmeyer,
                                    
                          for all his brilliance,
                       
                               had miscalculated!
                            
                       
                                  Needless to say
                                    
                                      he received
                                   
                                terrible reviews,
                             
                                and he was forced
                             
                                  to set out on a
                               
                               series of lectures
                            
                               around the country
                            
                                 (the Dakotas and
                              
                      Southern New Jersey mainly)
                   
                           attempting to convince
                        
                           the public that it was
                        
                           "one of those mistakes
                        
                              anyone could make."
                           
                    
                            He died impoverished,
                         
                              drunk and flailing.
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In 1947,

the young composer                           

Gunther Schuller

discovered the                        

dusty contraption

in its Portland
                                            
warehouse

and immediately started                       

work on a

Concerto for Strings, Percussion,
  
and Brass Digestive System.


Unfortunately he did not

complete it before the

Hartford Fastener Company

hauled Stolmeyer's invention away

and turned it into

thirty million brass tacks.

                
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