Whilst the happy water is burbling through the cute li'l machine, I hop onto my combination NorditrakExercycle and by thrashing my arms and legs in wide arcs, effectively take myself twenty miles.

Then I polish that high by sucking down only one, small cup of coffee (instead of the 2 pints that I used to drink as a feeble attempt to jump-start my flabby corpse).

Jump into the shower and clean with horribly expensive cruelty-free soap; run a comb through my hair just once, to achieve that perfect floppy fringe "The Girls" love so much. I pluck one of the 15 or so baggy suits I had made up in Hong Kong.... slip into my Wingtip Doc Marten shoes...give the cat a soft headbutt and hit the street looking like Mr. Man.


This whole procedure takes less than 20 minutes.