HALLOWEEN '97
9/28/97
Dear Diary, Well it's almost the last day of September, and you know
what that means: Halloween time is coming again! I spent all this
weekend getting ready to decorate the house. They had a special on
pumpkins at Home Depot. I bought six. CVS was selling huge bags of
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for only $1.29. I stocked up on those too! On
October 1st, I'll tape up the cardboard cut-outs of skeletons and the
devil in my windows and I'll hang that hockey mask on the front door,
next to the plastic machete. I know I did that last year, but the kids
loved it! They called me the Halloween Man! The Halloween Man! The
Halloween Man is here again!!!
10/8/97
Dear Diary, I'm writing to you from work and it's late. 10:37, to be
exact. I like staying here 'til it's very dark outside. Done it for the
past three nights! That way, when I drive up to the house, I can really
enjoy the full effect of this year's decorations. You can see them from
the end of the block--six jack o' lanterns, orange pumpkin lights
hanging in the trees, my green glow-in-the-dark Dracula face on a pole
in the front lawn next to the mummy and wolfbeast statuettes! I love
coming home in the dark to see everything all lit up! I love, love,
love it! I even hired Jimmy Rothstein, the little Jewish boy from next
door, to light the candles every night at dusk--the ones I set up in
those little paper lunch bags, all along the front walkway. He gets a
dollar a night, and I get to come home to a walk down the Grand
Halloween Walkway to the Haunted Halloween Castle with real lit candles
burning on fire! I'm going to turn my computer off now. I don't think I
want to be at work anymore.
10/22/97
Dear Diary, I was angry earlier today, but now I'm fine, I guess. Here's
what happened: I'd told little Jimmy to let his friends know the
Halloween Man had set up a haunted house at the Halloween Castle, and
that they could come and see it for free any time. Well, two of the
little girls brought along their PARENTS. I tried to tell them, in my
best Dracula voice, to please go away and leave the kids, because the
Haunted Halloween Castle is for children only. But they just stood
there, looking at me with their fat, stupid-looking, phony-smile faces.
As if I'd been joking or something! FUCK! That really pissed me off!
Just leave the little brats and get the fuck out of here! I had to shut
the whole castle down and I needed like a half a family pack of
snack-size Three Musketeers bars and two strawberry wine coolers to get
me out of my mood. I'm fine now, but this was not the best day.
10/23/97
Dear Diary, After yesterday's little problem, I almost didn't want to
get up this morning. But then I was glad I did because it was a super
good day! First, I bought another gas generator and set it up in the
basement and ran extra cabling under all the carpets so all my power
worries are over. Then I mixed up a couple more gallons of my "extra
wet" blood (super special secret ingredient: vegetable oil!) and I got
most of my touch-up greasing done. I've still got to fix the Mummy's
Death Box again, but who cares--I'm feeling good! Feeling strong! And
it's eight more days to go!
10/30/97
Dear Diary: It's late again--3:24 am. Which means only 20 hours, 36
minutes 'til Halloween! This is so intense! 20 hours, 36 minutes 'til
Halloween! This is so intense! Right now I'm drinking a little mix of
vodka and cranberry juice I call the "Witches' Brew." When I mix in
little pieces of dry ice, spooky smoke comes out! God knows I need this
to calm my nerves. A while ago, I laid down some fresh topsoil in
Dracula's Coffin, and tried to get some rest, but it just wasn't
happening. I was stupid for trying to sleep anyway. I mean, If I'm
supposed to be a vampire, what am I doing sitting in my coffin at
night?! Come on! The only problem is I think I really do need a nap. I
mean, just because I've been away from the office these days doesn't
mean I haven't been working 80 hours a week--on the Haunted Castle! But
listen, I'm not complaining. I don't want it to sound like I'm
complaining. In fact, I'm ecstatic! All of my characters have been
working out really well. There's Dracula, of course, and the Zombie
Butler. And Frankenghoul the Flesh Eater. But my favorite has got to be
WolfBeast. That's where I really get to cut loose! Raargh! I'm starting
to get really excited now!!!!!!!!!!!! 20 hours, 31 minutes! More Brew!
More Brew! My god, it all turned out so well this year!
10/31/97
Dear Diary, It's just after 11:30 and Halloween is almost over. I've
spent the past hour and a half cleaning up the Hallway of Horrors.
That's the spot where I where I blindfold the kids and get them to touch
all these creepy, raw foods--like liver and tripe and wet
spaghetti--which are actually supposed to be worms, and intestines and
human eyeballs. Things got pretty hairy in there! Actually, the whole
Castle's just an absolute mess. I guess I have a lot of work in front of
me and I don't think it's inappropriate for me to admit that, yes, I am
a little sad--maybe just experiencing a bit of that "party's over" kind
of feeling--looking around at all the candy wrappers, empty cups of Brew
and the decorations that'll have to go into boxes over the next few
months. Sometimes I just feel confused and frustrated that it all has to
end. I don't know. I guess I'm just sentimental. And tired. I'm sure
tomorrow I'll wake up knowing this was one of the best Halloweens ever!
The one thing I can't understand, though, is people who just seem to
want to take the fun out of it all. Tonight, for instance, when little
Bobby Boyd's father came huffing and puffing up to my door, telling me
he was going to "call the goddamn cops" because I'd "locked his son in
the bathroom for 45 minutes." I wanted to say to him "Do you realize
this is WolfBeast you're talking to? I'll eat your throat like a fistful
of candy corn!" or something like that, but instead I had to put on a
smiling face and explain how sorry I was this had happened, and how I
must not have heard Bobby calling from the bathroom because the Zombie
Butler was bringing other kids through the Hallway of Horrors, where the
Spooky Sounds cassette was turned up very, very loud for maximum effect.
Of course I couldn't tell him that in actuality, Bobby was a prisoner in
Frankenghoul's Dungeon. I don't think that would've made him too happy.
But happy's not what Halloween's all about! It's about something more
than that. A whole lot more! Even Bobby, you know, I don't think he
fully understands either. I mean, he's a great kid--a super great
kid--but he doesn't really understand Halloween. FUCK! What am I talking
about? I'm sorry, everybody. I'm really sorry. I love you.