A year or so later, I heard that River Phoenix had died. At first, I didn't believe it. This was, I thought, an unsubstantiated rumor, like the time Lady Kier supposedly OD'd and it turned out not to be true.

I didn't want to think about it until I knew for sure. When I got home that night, I put on Stevie Nick's "Timespace . . . Best Of" CD and just sat in the chair listening for a while (my friend Jack had re-introduced me to Stevie's music). After a few songs, I got up and pressed "Play" on my answering machine. There was a message from Neal: "Jim . . . I'm sure you've heard by now . . . "

I walked back to the chair and just kind of fell into it, totally stunned, strangely distraught. "Timespace" segued onto a Stevie song I'd never heard before: "Timeless is the creature who is wise" Stevie sang slowly, heart-wrenchingly. "And timeless is the prisoner in disguise. Who is the beauty, who is the beast? Would you die of grieving when I leave?"

Several images flashed through my mind: River, the beauty, Hollywood, the beast. River, who once said he'd come back as a wild horse. "Where is my beast?" Stevie sang at the song's close. "My beautiful beast." Instant catharsis.