It's an encyclopedia FOR THE SEVENTIES, I tell him. I tell him that thanks to huge modern computers just like THE ONES NASA USES it automatically updates itself, so that when a fact changes the encyclopedia changes along with it right in the COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME. This is something that wasn't even POSSIBLE back in the sixties, I say. And I tell him that the whole thing is in LARGE PRINT, so you don't need a friggin' electron microscope to read the shit.

"That come wif a lectic toofbush?" he asks in a high voice like a three year old.