the magical holiday angel

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rom a very cold place in the Northernmost Pole
Where the wind is so chilly it freezes the sole
Of your warmest, warm boot and your warmest, warm heart
Came the Magical Holiday Angel.

ith wings made of diamonds and spirit of gold,
The Angel appeared and I hear it's been told
She only comes 'round just about once a year
To spread Christmas, Kwanzaa and Chanuka cheer.

hough all the world's problems can never be solved
This year the Angel did summ'n her resolve
To visit the poor and the sick and the dumb
And wipe out all sadness, every last crumb.

he flew to an island of emerald green
Where a col'ny of lepers were to be seen.
She picked up their pieces from off of the ground
And put them back on, then without a sound
Flew off and away. This compassionate Grace,
Had returned to each person a once missing face!

he then spied some mongoloids, out in a barn
Their heads were quite soft, their bodies like yarn,
And foul-smelling feces litter'd the grass.
So the Angel came down and moved the whole mass
Of undiapered mongoloids covered with louse,
Now their brains are restored and they live in a house.

ext she saw prisoners living in chains,
For murders and rapes they'd committed with friends.
"Are you sorry?" she asked "For the bad things you've done?"
"(You know Jesus forgives all the penitent ones)."
"Yes we are sorry!" they shouted with glee,
And the Holiday Angel did set them all free.

ater she came to a hospital's ward
And sat near the bed of a man who looked worn.
His cold face was pale and wither'd with age,
Pockmarked with disease, on his final page.
So the Angel switched off his life-support gear
Saying, "In life you had pain. That's over, dear."

hen the Angel saw hookers, out plying their wares
Bad girls and sad girls and guys with fake hair.
She smiled on all with her mystical powers,
And the needles they shared turn'd into showers.
Now scrubbed up and clean, those hookers are fine
And their happy clean Johns think the Angel divine!

astly came orphans, alone on the earth,
With no fathers or mothers, forsak'n since birth.
Shivering cold, begging out in the street
The Angel thought, "Comfort is what these kids need."
So she gave them all cookies and chocolate in mugs
And left them with kisses and warm goodbye hugs.

ut now our good poem must come to an end
And it's time to give thanks to the Angel, our friend;
Saviour of those once consumed by lament;
Thank you, O Magical Holiday Angel.

nd if you go walking some holiday night
And see a nice Angel, flapping in flight,
Step softly, step softly, step gently with love,
Disturb not the goodness that stirs up above.

or we cannot know what the Lord wants from us
We must die, we must die, all is darkness and loss,
The world sucks and is hell and I hate everyone
Except for the Holiday Angel.