10:20 the same night:


 
I don't know why I keep on writing this as if someone will read it. No one
has read my other notebooks. To be honest, I've always had the thought in
mind that I would like someone to read them so they could see how
really great I am inside. I hate to admit it, but I am very egotistical. I
wonder if that's just normal (liking yourself?) & healthy.

I've always had the feeling that I'm smarter than other people--it was
pumped into me my whole grade school & junior high career. I know
intellectually that there are lots of people smarter & with more
ability & sensitivity than me, but for some reason, deep down inside I
still have that egotistical "smarter-than-thou" feeling. It makes me feel
kind of bad or something to know that I have such a conceited idea about
myself. Does everyone else think the same thing about themselves?