Friday August 16, 0140 hrs.


 

In that Rock book I've been reading, Nik Cohn said that acid
softened the Beatles, & therefore their followers (which was virtually
everyone else).  Their music became a try at intellectualism & it
was just words as against real action. I used to think that mind-expanding
infinite intellectualism was good, that it aimed at finding the real
purpose in life & all the truths the universe had to offer. BUT lately I’ve
been thinking that isn't right. It doesn't take you anywhere.

My mom said to me once that it was juvenile when Mrs. W___ and her adult
friends talked that jive because, as Sonia Maria Gutman-Bowe so aptly put
it, "By the time you get to be my age, you know that you don't know" (the
purpose of life & all its truths, etc.).

Laurel K____ told me that when her mother had a party at which Mrs.
W____-and-group were chatting about those things, my mom came up & broke
them & their exclusive group up. Just walked in & started talking about a
different subject as if she were God or somebody! (this is said
sarcastically) and they all ended up admiring her for it, they thought she
was cool, man. Another proof for the theory of individuality &
admireability that I made up.

ANYWAY, to get back to the subject, A lot of my friends have stopped doing
things, they just sit around all day & read & intellectualize. Fries is the
most outstanding example of that. That's why we were all so taken by Lolly,
a person who actually did things all the time, yet could intellectualize,
too! But now that she's been drinking, toking & tripping so much, she's
just a shadow of her old self. She has a lot of strength, though. I can’t
imagine her staying down there in the depths for long. She'll be able to
use her drugging & partying for status, once she's been through the heavy
stuff without hardly anyone seeing what it did to her. She'll be back to
her perfect self, but she'll always be able to say, "I'm no
goody-goody, look at all the hell I raised that summer!"

I'd like to be able to do that, but I'm not sure I'd bounce back. I'm
scared of acid--not the actual trip, but the physical side-effects of which
not too much are known, & the possible flashbacks. I have no way of knowing
how acid would affect me--that's the scary part. I'll be better off without
the risk. In fact, I'm thinking of giving up pot. I suppose if I can give
up cigs, I can give up dope.