undated


 
Well I don't know why but I haven't written for a while. By the way, I 
didn't dream about that that night. Last night I dreamed about 
being at school w/ all the Blake boys and Northrop girls from our class 
at Northrop. The girls in pairs were singing from the fireplace seat, 
using music sheets. They were singing for the boys, & wearing bikinis. 
I wore my orange bikini & sang with...? I forgot.
     
I think it means that we need each other at the fireplace because 
we're afraid to be w/ the boys w/o some moral support. There, we try 
to show of our voices & our looks, not our talents, intelligence, 
sensitivity, personality, etc. But I wonder why I should dream about 
that all of a sudden? Oh, I forgot one thing--I wasn't worried at all 
about how I looked as I sang, but the girl I sang with was. I guess 
maybe that's my brain telling me that it's not important, at least for 
other people's benefit. I thought I looked fine and that was all that 
mattered. 
     
I'd really like to look perfectly groomed & planned out all the time, 
but not to show off for other people, just because I love knowing I 
look good & I feel uncomfortable when I know I look bad. When I look 
good, I have the freedom to fully concentrate on whatever I want to, 
instead of my looks. When my hair is dirty or I have zitz or hair on 
my legs with a skirt on, or a run in my tights, then I worry about 
that instead of more important things.