1.) The problem with owning an answering machine is that people leave messages. (I'm waiting for a machine that simply says, "This machine is full. Please call back another time.")

2.) If you think the glass is half full, you're stoned out of your fucking gourd.

3.) The advantage of having a bad memory is that you get to enjoy the same things over and over again. (I didn't think this one up.)

4.) Maxims are over-rated.