I got food poisoning from these meatballs in this pasta I had around 3:00 on Wednesday. By the time my date and I got out of "Dead Man Walking," I had a headache and felt nauseous. By the time we got to her house, I had to ask for some Pepto Bismol. It was downhill from there. Luckily she had a spare bedroom since her roommate was away.

Enter with me into that timeless zone of illness between midnight and dawn, the zone of the (thank god temporarily) sick, the delerious even:

I wake up every 20 minutes with diarrhea or having to hurl, crawl to the bathroom, do one or the other, fall asleep on the seat or the rim of the toilet, wake up again, drag myself feebly back to bed, search for a comfortable position, pass out, then start all over again. The clock read 1:15, then 4:15, then 3:20, then 2:00. I started seeing trails across the bathroom floor, which I thought were mice. At some point towards morning I remembered my date saying something about saltines and thought I should give them a try, but every cabinet I opened revealed vineager, hot chocolate, olives, or cream of mushroom soup, until I couldn't look anymore.

The next day I didn't move. At dusk, I slept on the bus home across town. I sweated all night. In the morning I felt like I was floating and everyone on the street looked unreal and macabre. Their features were too distinct and they all seemed to be looking at me sideways.

Now I'm pretty much back to normal. Here I am at work, anyway.